One of the many wonderful aspects of SUITE MAGAZINE'S mission statement is that it caters to the intelligent woman -– one who thinks, and is constantly exploring herself, and the world. She is one who embraces her mind, her sexuality, her ability to ask questions, open new doors and never once, be ashamed of her desire to understand. At the core of this self-awareness is the need to ask a question, search out an answer, and then decide how it fits into her life and its immediate demands.
Now, I would like to shift the point-of-view from third person to first, and introduce myself. I am Dr. Cynthia Kayabaker, my degree is in Psychology, with a Jungian-orientation in psychotherapy. It is my fortune and pleasure to have been asked to step in behind the Vixen, who has moved on to other things. But, the Vixen did lay the groundwork for this next chapter in SUITE'S continued effort to cater to the voice of its readers. And it is a voice that I look forward to hearing…
A client recently sent me an e-mail:
Dear Dr. Cynthia,
I've met a great new guy. He's everything I could have hoped for and more! He's a talented actor, he plays the piano and the guitar, he is an artist, he is funny, smart, and oh so cute!!! Plus, we have so much in common! So, here's the problem - he's 23 (I'm almost 27), he's 5'8" (I'm 5'10" - 6' in heels). Now what??? Do I see where it goes or do I just nip it in the bud now?
Signed,
Demi Moore or Mrs. Robinson???
Does anyone out there have any ideas? I have one, or two…but, as is anything in the world, even life and death, there is always another opinion that might make the difference…Such a question makes for great discussion and I am looking for yours…doctorcynthia@msn.com and don't give me your thoughts, unless you give me permission to share them in SUITE Magazine…let's explore…
In first reading this letter I wasn't sure if the writer was concerned about age, or height issues. It wasn't until I saw the signature line that I understood the real concern -– the age difference. There are numerous reasons why a younger man would find an older woman attractive -– experience, emotional maturity, confidence, ego gratification for an older woman's acceptance, or maybe just a basic mother-complex...but what about the woman? Our writer likes the guy. They appear to have enough in common to facilitate the attraction and yet she is looking for reasons not to let the friendship unfold as it will. Without more information we are left to generalize her concern using her signature as our best clue – Demi Moore or Mrs. Robinson – the ‘ying-yang' persona of social acceptance of the younger man – older woman association.
Now, if she had signed the query -– “Nicole Kidman or Rhea Perlman??” -- would we have approached the letter from an entirely different perspective? A tall woman -- short man is an issue that has more sides than a Rubik's Cube. And, sadly, 99% of those sides are shallow -– so shallow that one, or both, of the participants will never get beyond how they are perceived outside their combined, personal space.
Cultural norms have a tendency to dictate how accepting we are of ourselves and that which we deem important. In a patriarch society, it is the man who takes first position on the hierarchal scale -– and gawd forbid he be shorter than the woman who is trailing him on the hunter-gatherer path. In kind, the woman feels the need to look ‘up to' her liege. Now enter Michael J. Fox -– Dudley Moore –- Tom Cruise –- and all the willowy, regal beauties they couldn't help but be in awe of –- whether in heels or flats. If a man shuns a woman because she is taller then he, do we tell her to wear flats and hope that it lessens the distance enough for his comfort? Or, do we tell the woman to put on the heels she likes, and hope the short man she towers over is strong enough in his own frame to appreciate his good fortune?
So the question for March is: How much do social dictates control your choice of companions? And, is there a point when public opinion should no longer take precedent over your own?
Please send your answers to me directly at: doctorcynthia@msn.com
The Quote of the Month:
You were once wild here.
Don't let them tame you!
~Isadora Duncan
We too often tend to forget who we are while trying to comply with the demands from the world around us. We lose our confidence to be who we are, or to explore those aspects of ourselves that interest us. To be “wild” is to be free –- to wander your realm unshackled by debilitating opinions imposed on you by toxic influences. Give yourself permission to open one new doors within yourself this month.
~Dr. Cynthia Kayabaker
Do you have anything going on in your world that could use an objective voice? If so, then E-mail me.
