Q.
My problem is that I have been sexually active for 5 years and have never achieved orgasm. Through clitoral stimulation I think that I get very close to achieving orgasm, but the hypertonicity of my muscles becomes to intense that it becomes unbearably uncomfortable and I stop, or tell my partner to stop. I want nothing more than to orgasm, but quickly change my mind when this muscle tension becomes so intense. At times, I have almost wanted to kick my partner off of me.... I know many people suggest masturbation, but the same thing happens when I masturbate (with/without a vibrator). I just stop myself because I can't take the sensation anymore. Please, do you have any suggestions?
~BD, Jackson, MI
A: Hypersensitivity certainly can put a crimp in your sexual style. You may need to do some experimenting on your own to find out what works best for you. If your clitoris is too sensitive to touch directly, try rubbing it through its hood or the labia. Be sure to use plenty of lubricant as dry fingers or vibrators will only accentuate the sensitivity. If you use a vibrator, make sure it's adjustable so you can set it for a slower or less intense speed and vibration level. If you feel it's simply a muscle tension problem, try a glass of wine, soothing music, or even a light tranquilizer before sex, or stimulating yourself with a mild spray setting in the shower. Once you learn what works for you, what you can tolerate and what you can't, you can coach your partner.
If, however, nothing works and you're unable to orgasm regardless of what techniques you use, it's time to see a gynecologist. You may have a problem like vulvodynia, which can cause generalized burning, irritation and pain in the genital area. Sometimes it's constant, and in some cases it's intermittent. Touch or pressure can make it worse in many cases. If your doctor thinks this is what you have, she will try various medications and combinations of meds to help alleviate the symptoms.
Your problem could also be due to a hormone imbalance, such as too much estrogen or too much testosterone, which also can be treated. A yeast infection can cause trouble also, and with some people, treatment is needed for several months in order to wipe out a stubborn infection. Visit your doctor, and don't be afraid to discuss your symptoms with her–-she can help!~The Vixen
