A Brand New Me
By Cindy Walker

Well, in some ways it's been a long year. But in other ways, it's hard to believe it's almost over. I made it to my final article, but it isn't going to be the icing on the cake I'd hoped it would be. I'd wanted to interview a Hollywood actress about her weight loss struggles, but I've not heard anything from her so that is not to be. Drat and double drat. So I guess you'll just have to read my ramblings one last time.

It's hard to believe it's been a year since I decided to begin this journey. I wish I could say I've been successful, but I don't think I can. I guess it all depends on how one views things though. I went from 194 pounds to 189 pounds. I weigh five pounds less than I did one year ago. Not the number I had hoped for, but it is something. I learned a little, but it was very little. Still, I learned. One of the biggest things I learned is I need to heal myself, and have a long, long way to go before that is accomplished. I feel until I can forgive myself for past stupidity and learn to love me for me, my other problems will continue. It isn't easy to change a lifetime of perceptions and habits in one short year. It is going to take time, and I must have patience – which, as you all know, is something I'm short on. Again, this is something I know I must work on, and I shall endeavor to accomplish just that.

I've learned I need to get off my butt and exercise. Stop making excuses and just do it. I'm hoping I can take ice skating lessons, which is something I've always wanted to try. It would be fantastic exercise, and I'd have fun doing it. That is always an incentive. That's been one of my biggest problems in exercising. Nothing holds my interest, so I get bored and give up. If you don't like your exercise routine, you won't do it. At least that's how it is with me. Finding that activity that makes me want to stay motivated is hard. One would think just the incentive of toning up would do it, but, again, I'm an odd duck. Ballroom dancing sounds like fun too. If I could only afford it...

I also took the step of joining e-diets.com. It's a shaky beginning, but I have a lot to learn. It's going to take some time before I see results, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is a positive step and that I see those results that I've let elude me.

I've run into a snag with the laser treatments on my legs. Due to increased financial pressures, malpractice liability, and the cost to continually maintain the lasers, my doctor has decided not to continue with the Aesthetics Center. So, I will not be receiving my final laser treatment. I should have listened to my inner voice and put that money toward car repairs. My legs would still look ugly, but at least my Visa wouldn't be so out of control right now. My “final” analysis: I'm not sure a third treatment would have made much difference. I see very little change in my legs, so I'm not really sure it was worth the pain or the expense. And yes it hurt! At least I didn't spend a couple of thousand dollars on this.

This month I celebrate my 47 th birthday. It's been almost six years since I've been on my own, but things aren't exactly as I'd hoped they would be. I'm not the self sufficient, independent woman I pictured would be here at this point in my life. Yes, I have my own apartment, I am able to keep my bills current (just barely), and I have food to eat. But is it a sin to want more? Is it wrong to want to get to a point where you're not robbing Peter to pay Paul? I often wonder where I've gone wrong in this regard. How can I believe things will work    more >>