A Brand New Me
By Cindy Walker

Well, another month has gone by, and I am still struggling with a lot of issues. I seem to have hit a stone wall – like one of those horribly thick ones you'd find in a British castle. I find myself sinking back into my “safe” zone, and I hide away in my apartment. Once I get home, I don't want to go anywhere, do anything, or see anyone. It actually makes me mad if I have to stop at the grocery store or gas station. Now that's sad.

At least one “burden” has been lifted, and that has made a huge difference in my attitude. I know I mentioned earlier I had gotten a new job (same company though). I was absolutely miserable in my other job. I would literally cry some days because I had to go to it. Sundays were wasted because I was depressed all day – I knew I had to go back to the hell hole. I could really feel the weight of that misery and hated every second of it. Then miracle of miracles, I interviewed for and got another job – same company, different office. It was like night and day! Even thought there was a lot to do at once, I suddenly felt needed, appreciated, and part of a team again. I no longer cry because I have to come in here, and Sunday is an enjoyable weekend day. I guess it really didn't hit me how much I had changed until a friend from the “old” office dropped by to see me. He asked me how I liked it, and I, of course, responded with “I LOVE it.” His response was “I can tell. You look happier.” And I am.

So in that respect, I have made strides. I feel good about myself in respect to my workplace. It was a goal of mine, and it has been achieved. Now I have to master the job, which is tough – especially for a broad my age! But I'm stretching my mind and learning new things. It's confusing, but at least I'm learning something again.

One would think with the prospect of a trip abroad, it would motivate them to get in gear and shape up! My daughter Heather is looking to spend her last quarter in college studying in London, and of course Mom can't let her go alone! That in itself would be special, but there's a very good possibility my other daughter, Bethany, will go with us, which would be absolutely awesome for me. The plan is to spend a couple days in London with Heather (to help her get settled in), and then Beth and I will travel to Italy to visit a few days before coming home. She's a big art lover, but we're both also really into archeology. We have a very tough decision – Venice and Florence or Pompeii?????? So you see, one would think this would motivate me to look better, but so far it hasn't. Maybe if I approached it from the angle that Jeremy lives in England so there's a possibility we'll run into each other! And when we do, I want to be so dazzling and self-confident it will knock his socks off, and he'll wonder where I've been all his life! Now there's motivation! I keep saying it's a pretty pink shade in my world. I really like it there.

I am getting excited about my doctor's appointment on August 4. Well, excited about the treatment on my legs anyway. I'm not looking forward to the weigh in. That's going to suck. But in some ways this procedure is a big step for me. I think once these varicose veins are gone (or at least diminished a lot), I won't be so ashamed of my legs, and I'll be a little more comfortable with myself. Right now, I'd die if someone outside of the family saw me in shorts. I won't even wear dresses anymore. You know it's bad when you have an outside job, the temperatures are around the 100 degree mark with extremely high humidity making the temperatures soar, the sweat is pouring off of you (let's just say if it wasn't   more >>